And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
