I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They have beer where we have blood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
