If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize