Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
