I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize