If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
