Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize