it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
