Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
