i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Congratulations! We have a period
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