one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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