Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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