Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
pop tarts are not kleenex
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
