I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
