I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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