i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
