I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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