He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
