I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
