Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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