Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
