My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
