Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
