We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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