I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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