his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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