It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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