You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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