Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
