I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
