Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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