It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
