wrigley field is MILF paradise
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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