please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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