umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
