better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
