Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
