I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
