Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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