Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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