Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
