Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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