I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
