glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
