he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
