just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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