Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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