my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
