Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
