areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
