Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
