How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the day after is always just damage control
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
