Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
