Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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