Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
