just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
