if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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