You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
