I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
