he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my being single is dangerous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
