If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i believe in u and ur pee
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
