She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
