if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
