I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
