ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
