The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
