What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
