There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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