Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
